


Soul Mates

by redheadedbisexual



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M, old married spirk, spirk, tos/aos crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2020-11-27 07:34:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20944661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redheadedbisexual/pseuds/redheadedbisexual
Summary: The Enterprise is shuttling Ambassador Spock and a party of diplomats to New Vulcan when they pick up a passenger claiming to be Admiral James T. Kirk from the year 2295, there on a mission to find the missing ambassador.---Basically, TOS Kirk and Spock get to watch AOS Kirk and Spock fall in love.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic relies on a few assumptions that don’t coincide with the larger Star Trek canon:  
1) James T. Kirk did not die in 2293.  
2) TOS Spock came to the AOS universe from the year 2295, not the 2380s.  
3) Some time between 2293 and 2295 Kirk was promoted (again) from Captain to Admiral and given a position with Starfleet command.

"Incoming shuttlecraft this is Captain James T. Kirk of the federation ship U.S.S. Enterprise. Please identify yourself."

As the seconds ticked by with nothing but silence in response, Jim Kirk looked pointedly at his communications officer.

"We're receiving nothing, Captain," Uhura informed him.

"Keep the channel open," Jim said, eyeing the approaching shuttlecraft as displayed on their main viewer. He was certain from the design of the ship it was a starfleet vehicle. The sort they often used to travel between starships or to send down a landing party when transporter use wasn't practical.

"Incoming shuttlecraft this is Captain James T. Kirk of the federation ship U.S.S. Enterprise. I repeat, please identify yourself."

It was a starfleet ship alright, and Jim could only hope it wasn't carrying a senior officer here to reprimand him for something. It wasn't as though he'd had the chance to screw up anyway. Their latest mission was an entirely routine trip, escorting Ambassador Spock and a small party of diplomats back to New Vulcan after an extended stay on earth. Jim had been rather frustrated when assigned to this task. Much as he respected the Vulcan ambassador, there was little need for a ship like the Enterprise to be put to such mundane use. She was without doubt one of the finest vessels in the fleet, and should be out exploring deep space, not acting as a taxi service.

Jim was about to repeat his message a third time when suddenly, a confused male voice spoke up in response. 

"Captain Kirk of the U.S.S. Enterprise, you say?"

"Yes," Jim said, getting a bit frustrated. "Who is this?"

"Well I'll be damned…" was the only response he got.

"Captain, I'm getting visual," Uhura added.

"Put them on screen."

Within seconds Lieutenant Uhura had delivered on that, and before them appeared a grainy image of a single man, a higher up of some sort Jim guessed from his uniform. Though the longer he looked the more his doubts grew. Once their connection steadied and the picture came into focus Jim could confirm that the stranger's uniform was indeed marked with the Starfleet insignia, and yet this uniform was unlike any he'd seen before.

"Well, Captain," said the man on screen. "This is rather awkward. But, would you be able to tell me the stardate?"

At the helm Sulu leaned over to Chekov and spoke in a whisper. 

"Is that who I think it is…?"

"I was thinking the same thing…”

"The stardate?" Jim queried. "2261.09"

"Well that explains it. It would appear, Captain, I have traveled backwards through time."

"Time traveler or not, we will still need you to identify yourself,” Jim instructed the mysterious man on screen.

"Oh, of course. I just thought by now you would've put it together…" he said. And indeed, everyone aside from Captain Kirk had. "This is Admiral James T. Kirk of Starfleet Command."

A soft murmur spread across the bridge as crewmen exchanged hushed commentary on the situation. Jim Kirk, meanwhile, stared wordlessly at the man before him.

"I am quite fortunate you came along," continued the Admiral, or so he claimed to be. "My shuttlecraft has been badly damaged and is quickly running out of fuel. Permission to board your ship, Captain?"

"Well," Jim said with a note of suspicion. "I'm hardly in a position to be refusing an admiral from Starfleet Command." And with that he turned to Uhura. "Lieutenant, have the transporter room stand by to beam one aboard. Let them know I'll be down there shortly. And have Commander Spock and Dr. McCoy meet me there."

"Yes, Captain."

"Admiral," Jim said. "We will speak shortly."

\---

Spock was waiting for Jim when he stepped off the turbo lift down the corridor from the transporter room.

"Captain," he began immediately, matching Jim's pace as he strode down the corridor. "Lieutenant Uhura has briefed me on the current situation." 

"Alright Spock, what do you make of it?" 

"We are aware through the experience of Ambassador Spock that to travel backwards in time, though difficult, is quite possible."

"So you think he's telling the truth?"

"I think it is possible, Captain."

"Well, we will certainly find out.”

Captain Kirk had already given the transporter crew the all clear to bring their visitor aboard, and so when he and Spock arrived in the transporter room the Admiral stood ready to meet them. As soon as Jim entered the room everyone present began to gaze back and forth between their Captain and the Admiral, further convinced of the Admiral’s story as they observed firsthand the uncanny resemblance between the two men. Jim studied the Admiral as well, a man somewhere in his sixties with curly hair much grayer than his own and much more of a stomach on him. He was tempted to comment that he had hoped he would’ve aged better, but refrained for the sake of professionalism. Much as he wanted to be skeptical of the man who claimed to be his future self, Jim had to confess that he had a rather convincing appearance. Aside from those differences that could be attributed to the effects of aging, the Admiral was quite identical to himself. 

“Admiral, allow me to introduce my first officer—”

“Commander Spock,” the Admiral finished for Jim. “Yes, Captain I am quite familiar with Mr. Spock.” His eyes then moved to the doors of the transporter room, which slid open to reveal another man. 

The figure stood frozen in the doorway, staring questioningly between the two Kirks and grumbling, “Good god! There’s two of them now?”

“Ah, and this must be our Chief Medical Officer, Dr. McCoy,” the Admiral said fondly.

“Two Spocks was enough to handle,” Bones carried on. “And now two Jims? Lord help me, this is it. I’m finally losing my damn mind.”

That sentence caught the Admiral’s attention, and his leisurely smile quickly shifted to a look of intense concern. “Hold on, two Spocks?”

“Yeah, you can take your pick,” Bones muttered, vaguely gesturing toward the young first officer to his right. “We got this guy here or the older model if you’d rather. He’s somewhere around here...”

“Bones, please—” Jim pleaded, then he turned to the Admiral to offer further explanation. Before he could, the Admiral cut him off, frantic and almost excited to some extent Jim thought.

“Well maybe I’m not nearly as lost as I had thought.” He exclaimed. “You mean to say that Spock is here? My Spock, that is, er… Spock from my own time.”

“Ambassador Spock arrived in our time three years ago,” the younger Spock explained. “After his ship was caught in a black hole while he endeavored to save the planet Romulus from an expanding supernova—”

“In the year 2295,” the Admiral finished, speaking more to himself than anyone else. Then, collecting himself, he explained, “I come from the same year—2295. After the Ambassador’s disappearance I embarked on a mission to locate him by piloting a shuttlecraft into the same black hole.”

Spock stared at him, utterly perplexed. “With all due respect, Admiral, that seems a rather foolish endeavor. The odds that you would survive the journey and end up at the same location as Ambassador Spock are—”

The Admiral only laughed at Spock’s analysis of his mission, “Yes, Mr. Spock I’m well aware of the odds. I had to calculate them myself and without nearly as much precision, as your counterpart was not present to do so for me.”

“I venture to guess this ‘mission’ was not approved by Starfleet Command,” Spock commented, looking pointedly at his own, younger Jim Kirk. Jim threw him back a ‘what’s-that-supposed-to-mean’ look, though he knew quite well what Spock was silently saying to him.

“It was not,” the Admiral admitted. “But, it appears to have been successful nonetheless. Ambassador Spock is on board the Enterprise, you say?” 

Though the Admiral looked to Bones, it was Jim who answered for him, finding his voice for the first time in a while.

“Our latest mission has been to transport a party of diplomats from Earth to New Vulcan,” he confirmed. “Ambassador Spock is among them.”

“New Vulcan…?” Jim asked. “Well where the devil is that?”

“Captain,” Spock said, pulling Jim aside. “The Admiral is coming to us from an alternate timeline. It will be necessary to brief him on the changes caused by the arrival of the Romulan vessel and Ambassador Spock.”

“Yes, that’s right,” Jim agreed. This whole situation had him a bit flustered. 

“Might I suggest we bring the Ambassador to see him? It may be easier for him to hear an explanation from someone of his own timeline.”

“An excellent idea, Mr. Spock,” Jim said, moving to the control panel to use the comm system.

As Captain Kirk and his first officer consulted, Bones had begun checking the Admiral’s vitals, knowing this was what Jim had called him there for despite the lack of instruction he’d been given. He sighed quite audibly as his sensors came up with a reading of the Admiral’s cholesterol levels.

“Something wrong, Bones?”

“I see he’s going to pay little attention to the dietary restrictions I’ve been recommending,” he grumbled, gesturing vaguely toward the younger Jim Kirk.

“Well it wasn’t for lack of trying on your part,” the Admiral laughed. He watched Bones with a half smile, evidently amused at the sight of his old friend many years younger and still as grumpy as ever.

“Yes, Captain?” came Uhura’s voice over the comm, responding to Jim’s call.

“Please notify Ambassador Spock that his presence is requested in the briefing room on deck nine at his earliest convenience.”

“Yes, Captain. Anything further?”

“That’ll be all Lieutenant. Kirk out.” 

\---

Once Bones had finished a rushed examination of the Admiral—arriving at the conclusion that he was exactly who he claimed to be and adding some commentary on how Jim ought to take better care of himself—the party removed themselves to the briefing room. Spock fired a series of questions at the Admiral about the logistics of his plan to locate the Ambassador as they sat waiting for the man in question to arrive. Jim and Bones, meanwhile, quietly conversed with each other. 

“What is Starfleet gonna do with this guy?” Bones wondered aloud. “They can hardly handle one of you. And to be honest, I’m surprised you lasted long enough in Starfleet to make admiral; didn’t get yourself killed with one of your dumb stunts, or fired!”

“Your faith in me is overwhelming, Bones” Jim muttered.

Before Bones could counter that the doors to the briefing room slid open to reveal Ambassador Spock.

“Captain,” he began. “I am told you requested—”

The Ambassador was struck speechless as his eyes fell upon the Admiral, seated at the head of the table and adjacent to a younger version of himself. A flood of emotions washed across his face, a sight to see on a man known for his traditional Vulcan stoicism.The room fell silent as the two men gazed at each other, a silence broken only by the single word that unconsciously escaped the Ambassador’s lips.

“T’hy’la…” 

A moment later, whatever emotion Ambassador Spock had so foolishly allowed himself to display disappeared, replaced by a flush of embarrassment. 

“Jim,” he corrected himself. “Admiral, that is. I am…. most surprised to see you.”

“Now then, Spock, you didn’t think I’d let you get rid of me that easy?” the Admiral teased.

“I had no intentions of ridding myself of your presence, Admiral—”

“A joke, Spock,” the Admiral smiled, and he knew his Spock well enough to know he had recognized the joke. In another setting Spock would’ve gone along with it, perhaps countering with a witty comment of his own. However, in the presence of the younger Captain Kirk, Spock, and Dr. McCoy he seemed to have certain reservations. “I came after you when you disappeared into the black hole trying to save Romulus.”

“Most illogical, Admiral—”

“I’m sure it was, Mr. Spock, in fact your counterpart here has made me quite aware.” He gave a nod to the young first officer. “But I’m here, aren’t I?”

“You are indeed.”

“I must admit, I’m still not entirely clear on where ‘here’ is.”

Jim took this opportunity to speak up. “We believed, Ambassador, you would be best suited to explain the situation to Admiral Kirk, having come from the same reality yourself.”

“A logical choice, Captain. Might I suggest the Admiral accompany me back to my quarters? It will serve him well to rest after his journey, and this matter may be better discussed privately between us.”

“Well you don’t need my permission,” Jim assured the Ambassador. “I will leave that at the discretion of the Admiral.”

“I do believe I could benefit from a chance to rest up and talk to the Ambassador alone,” the Admiral confirmed.

“Take all the time you need,” Jim replied. “We will debrief you once you’re fully recovered from your journey.”

The Admiral rose from his seat, coming over to Ambassador Spock and resting a hand on his arm. “Thank you, Captain. Now if you’ll excuse us…”

As the pair departed Bones made yet another comment to the effect that it was remarkable a reality existed in which Jim had lived to become the man they’d just encountered, and expressed his extreme doubt that their own timeline would turn out the same. He was greeted by an immediate retort from Jim, and the usual banter ensued. Spock, meanwhile, was deaf to their bickering; his eyes were locked on the pair of Ambassador Spock and Admiral Kirk until the door slid closed and removed them from view. When at last they were gone, he gazed at his own Jim Kirk, caught in the middle of a friendly argument with his chief medical officer, and Spock contemplated that one word the Ambassador had uttered when he first laid eyes upon the Admiral.

T’hy’la…

\---

As soon as the doors to Ambassador Spock’s quarters slid closed behind them, Admiral Kirk threw his arms around his former first officer. Tight as he held him, the stronger Vulcan could easily have broken free from the grip of his human companion. Spock had no such desire, instead returning the awkward embrace that to any other Vulcan would have been utterly humiliating.

“Spock…” Jim murmured.

“Jim…”

“Oh Spock, I should never have let you go into that mission alone—”

“Jim—”

“I should’ve been there with you. Had there been two of us—”

“Jim,” Spock said forcefully. His words had a silencing effect on Admiral Kirk. He held the shorter man at arm’s length and looked him directly in the eyes. “There is no logical purpose to reciting such ‘what-if’ scenarios.”

“I know…”

“Furthermore, it is unlikely the mission would’ve ended any differently had you been on board. The force of the black hole was too strong for escape, and your presence would have made no difference in that matter.”

“But I would’ve been with you…”

“You are with me now, Jim. Are you not?”

“I am…” Jim admitted, pulling him back into a hug. A moment later he drew back. “But it has been so long… And longer for you. Three years, they said?”

“Three years, two months, and nineteen days, using Earth standard measurements.”

“You’ve been in this time that long?”

“Not precisely. That figure is based on the time elapsed since I last saw you. Since I arrived in this reality—”

Before Spock could say anything further Jim greedily claimed his lips with his own. Spock cared not, and willingly gave himself to his lover’s attentions. As Jim pulled him closer he raised a single hand, and Jim quickly accommodated him, meeting his hand and pressing his fingers hard against Spock’s own.

\---

“T’hy’la,” Jim repeated thoughtfully, almost unconsciously, as he and Spock took the turbo lift back to the bridge. Spock’s muscles tensed at the sound of the word, and he pointedly avoided Jim’s eyes as a blush rose to his cheeks. “It’s a vulcan word, isn’t it?”

“Affirmative,” Spock said dismissively.

“What does it mean?” Jim asked, with genuine curiosity. He wasn’t blind to the discomfort the question caused his friend; it only peaked his curiosity.

“I do not wish to discuss it,” Spock said firmly, and he all but ran out of the turbo lift as the door slid open.


	2. Chapter 2

Ambassador Spock let his hands slide down the Admiral’s face as he concluded their mind meld. He drew close, placing the lightest of kisses on Jim’s lips before letting his hands fall away and giving him some space. Jim said nothing, his eyes distant and unfocused as he contemplated all that Spock had silently told him.

Sensing he needed more time to process, Spock rose from his seat on the couch and left him alone, returning a few minutes later with two mugs of tea.

“Where are we in this timeline?” Jim asked as Spock entered. “Oh, thank you dear,” he added, reaching for the mug Spock handed him. Spock settled himself in the chair opposite him and took a sip from his tea before launching into an explanation.

“We are in the year 22--”

“No, I’m not talking about that” Jim cut him off, smiling at Spock’s characteristic tendency to take his questions as literally as possible. It was things like this he had missed most in their time apart. “I’m talking about us. Or them, I suppose. Our younger selves. Where are they in their relationship?”

“They are different people, Jim.” Spock reminded him. “Their experience may differ from our own.”

“You’re avoiding my question,” Jim noticed.

“When I first encountered young Jim Kirk he and Commander Spock were not so much as friends. Indeed, there was a certain rivalry between them.”

Jim chuckled, fondly remembering his own youth. “Well, sure we had our differences when we were young. You were certainly a bit skeptical of me when they first brought me on to the Enterprise to take over for Pike. But I wouldn’t say--”

“The circumstances are different here, Jim.”

“How so?”

“I have just shared with you how the arrival of the Romulan vessel dramatically altered both our timelines. It had very wide-reaching effects.”

“Surely you don’t mean to say we’re enemies in this timeline?”

“No. Not any longer. As best I can tell Captain Kirk and Commander Spock are on friendly terms.”

“Just friendly?”

“It is no business of mine whether anything further exists--”

“Oh don’t pretend you haven’t been curious, Spock,” Jim prodded.

He was right. Spock had been curious, and had kept an eye on Kirk and his First Officer in his recent time on board the Enterprise in a secret hope that perhaps their relationship had taken the same romantic turn it had in his own timeline. It seemed it had not.

“It seems to me the pair share nothing more than an entirely professional friendship,” he admitted.

“This late in the game and we’re still just friends? By now, in our own timeline, we were openly sharing quarters.”

“Well, there were certain obstacles in this timeline.”

“Such as?”

“Other relationships.”

“Ah c’mon, I had plenty of little side things going when we first got together. You know that--”

“Actually, I was referring to a relationship between Commander Spock and another crew member.”

“Wait-- what?” Jim said, struck with laughter. “Who--?”

Before Spock could answer Jim interrupted.

“Wait-- don’t tell me, I wanna guess--”

Spock was not nearly as amused, but he obliged.

“Don’t tell me it’s Bones,” Jim laughed. “I mean I know there was always a weird tension there, but--”

“No,” Spock said, wise enough not to ask about this ‘weird tension’ Jim spoke of.

“Oh, oh-- Christine uh… oh what was her last name? That worked in sick bay--”

“No,” Spock said, growing frustrated. “If you must know, the Commander was previously involved with Lieutenant Uhura for a time. Not that it is any business of--”

“Uhura!” Jim cried with renewed laughter. “You’re kidding!”

“I fail to see what is so amusing.” 

“You’re telling me you dated Uhura in this timeline?” 

“Correct.”

“One Romulan vessel turns up where it’s not supposed to be and suddenly the whole world has turned upside down,” Jim carried on. “You and Uhura? My god!”

“Jim, please.”

“But you said previously. So he’s single now?”

“Jim, we must not interfere.”

“Who said I was going to interfere?” 

Spock answered that question with a simple glare that had a strange humbling effect on his partner. “It is not our place to meddle in the lives of Captain Kirk and Commander Spock. Much resemblance as they may bear, they are not us, Jim. This is a new reality. It must run its own course.”

Jim was silent a moment, his laughter at last gone and replaced with a contemplative expression. 

“Do you believe in soulmates?” he asked eventually, gazing off into the distance as he spoke..

“It is illogical to believe in such a concept. Given the expansive population of universe at any given moment, it is, statistically speaking, highly improbable that one is compatible with only one other being.”

“Always the romantic,” Jim muttered, pretending to be more offended than he really was in hopes of pulling a rare emotional reaction out of Spock. In this, he was successful. 

Spock came and sat beside him, taking Jim’s hands in his own and waiting for Jim to reluctantly look him in the eyes.

“Jim,” he said softly. “Although I may have thousands of compatible partners in this universe, you are the one I found. You are the one I chose. And I could live this life a thousand times over and never choose anyone else.”

Jim couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips. He always fell to pieces when he managed to make Spock sentimental like this.

“Well,” he said. “That sounds like a soul mate to me.” He gave Spock’s hand a squeeze. “And I theorize that soul mates, in any reality, will invariably end up together.”

“This is certainly an excellent opportunity to test your theory,” Spock admitted.

“Precisely,” Jim agreed, reaching for his mug of tea.

“But Jim, I do believe it will be best that we not interfere.” Even as he spoke these words Spock knew full well that neither of them would abide by them. Spock himself had already done his part to bring the young Kirk and Spock together, if only as friends, and he knew he wouldn’t put up a fight should his own Kirk take the efforts further.

“No promises,” was all Jim said, smiling slyly as he sipped from his mug.

\---

“Uhura, you speak Vulcan, don’t you?” Captain Kirk asked as he entered the recreation room to find Uhura seated at the table.

“A little,” she answered, finishing chewing a bite of her salad. Her eyes narrowed in suspicion as Jim took a seat beside her. “Why?”

“I found a word that makes Spock uncomfortable and he won’t explain to me what it means.”

Uhura sighed and rolled her eyes. “You have the maturity of a twelve year old, have I ever told you that?”

“Many times.”

“Alright, then,” she asked reluctantly. “What’s the word?”

“Tyla? Thyla? Something like that…”

“T’hy’la?”

“Yeah that was it.”

Uhura’s expression changed at this, no longer her teasing attempt to look irritated, but a sort of look of confusion. “You heard that from Spock?” she asked.

“Well, not exactly. I mean, not our Spock. It was just something the Ambassador said.”

“Ambassador Spock said that?”

“Yeah…?” Jim was becoming confused himself, and all the more curious as to what this word was that evoked such strong reactions in those who could translate it.

“To who?”

“Does it matter?”

Uhura ignored the question, because in that moment something had occurred to her. “The Admiral…” she said softly, more to herself than Jim. “He was talking to Admiral Kirk wasn’t he?” she clarified.

“Yeah, I think so…”

“Oh my god…”

“Jeez Uhura, what does it mean?”

Uhura was drawing more and more into herself, forgetting for a moment that Jim was present, swept up in lingering emotions from her recent break up. “All that time we were together, and he never once said anything like that to me… I always thought he just wasn’t capable of it, but maybe that was never it…”

“Hang on, are you jealous? Oh my god!”

“What? No!”

“I thought things were done between you two...” Jim said, trying not to push her--he knew that would not end well for him--but desperately curious for a glimpse into the mystery of Spock’s love life. He had always been perplexed by the thought of Spock having any sort of romantic involvement, and would pry for details whenever the opportunity came.

“They are,” Uhura said firmly, rising from her seat and making as if to leave.

“Hey, wait!” Jim called, chasing after her. “Aren’t you going to tell me what it means?”

“It…” She sighed a long, heavy sigh. “It’s a term of endearment.”

“That’s all? So that cold bastard is embarrassed to admit that his future self dared to call me his friend--”

“No, Jim. Not his friend. Not just his friend.”

“Wait, what?”

“T’hy’la means… it’s hard to translate exactly. But, I’ve often heard it described as meaning ‘my dearest lover and friend’.”

“Lover?”

“Yes.”

“Like--”

“Yes, Jim.”

“Oh…”

And with that, Uhura excused herself.


	3. Chapter 3

_ "We're not scheduled to be back on the bridge for another 8 hours," Jim informed Spock as they departed the transporter room. "Plenty of time to… rest." Here he gave Spock's hand a knowing squeeze.  _

_ With a very deliberate clearing of his throat Bones reminded them of his presence. _

_ "Well, first and foremost you've got some paperwork to do," he said. _

_ "Paperwork? For what?"Jim queried. _

_ "You know Starfleet. They've gotta have documentation of everything." _

_ "Can't it wait?" Jim whined. "You know, we're technically still on shore leave." _

_ "Just come get it over with, alright? It'll only take a minute," Bones insisted. Then he added with a shudder, "After that you two can have at it." _

_ Spock noticed as they followed the doctor down the corridor he was taking a highly inefficient route to his office. He considered saying something, but in his desire to speed this encounter along decided to chalk it up to human irregularity.  _

_ All was explained when they arrived not at Dr. McCoy's office, but at a social gathering in one of the recreation rooms. _

_ They were greeted with an uproarious cry of "surprise!" and much laughter at the confused look on Spock's face. _

_ "You didn't really think you two could just sneak off like that?" said Lieutenant Uhura, evidently one of the organizers of this event.  _

_ "That was the hope," Jim admitted, uncharacteristically shy.  _

_ "Nonsense!" she said. "We have to celebrate!" _

_ As if on cue Scotty arrived with two drinks, and Bones raised a glass of his own.  _

_ "A toast!" He said with a half smile. _

_ "To the happy couple!" Uhura chimed in. _

_ The next several minutes involved much drinking and socialization, many congratulations and a bit of dancing. None of this Spock particularly enjoyed, but he took part for Jim's sake. He could tell his human companion was enjoying the festivities. _

_ But Jim was looking out for his vulcan as well, and when he could tell he'd had enough he came over to him.  _

_ "Let's get out of here," he said with a sly smile. By now everyone present was intoxicated enough not to notice if they slipped off. He seized Spock's arm and all but dragged him out of the room and down the hall. As soon as they reached a quiet corner he pulled him in close and began to kiss him fervently. _

_ "Jim-- shouldn't we-- Jim--!" Spock said between hurried kisses. It was only when Jim turned his hands to the task of taking his own shirt off that Spock managed to pull himself free. "Shouldn't we go somewhere less public before engaging in such intimacy?" _

_ "Yes, alright," Jim sighed playfully. Somehow he was already down to his undershirt. He seized Spock's arm again and guided him down the hall to his quarters.  _

_ By the time the door slid closed Jim had already discarded his undershirt and was working Spock's shirt over his shoulders. He wasted no time throwing the clothes to the ground and kissing his way down Spock's chest. He dropped to his knees, worked at Spock's belt and… _

Captain Kirk awoke with a shudder, painfully conscious of the aching in his groin. He was never more thankful for his private quarters.

This wasn't the first time he'd had one of these dreams. He'd had them regularly for quite a while now. Sometimes they were different. More often they were not. Usually they followed this exact script. He'd step out of the transporter room with Bones and Spock, arrive at a surprise party in the rec room, enjoy the festivities awhile, and then he would slip off with his first officer to share certain intimacies. Most strange, however, was that he would watch the entire encounter not through his own eyes, but through the eyes of Spock. 

Usually he ignored these dreams and the emotions they stirred up. He shoved the dream and whatever feelings may have spurred it deep down inside himself and went about his day as though nothing out of the ordinary had occurred. He reminded himself of all the reasons a relationship with a crew member, and especially his first officer, was a terrible idea. 

But today, in the wake of Spock's break with Uhura and the revelation that in the Ambassador's timeline some sort of romantic relationship did exist between Spock and himself, he couldn't help but ponder it a bit...

\---

Normally Commander Spock greeted his off duty time with indifference, if not a certain disappointment, for he was always happiest when he had work to do. Today, he was glad for the time alone to contemplate the strange events of the day. Throughout the remainder of his shift he'd been distracted with thoughts of that one word the Ambassador had uttered. Could it be true that in his reality Spock had fallen for his Captain? The young first officer didn't know what to make of it. Logically, it should make no difference in this reality what the status of their relationship had been in another. Alternate realities are, by definition, different from one another, and therefore what happens in one does not govern what happens in another. Still, Spock could not keep his mind off the possibility that his own reality may take a similar course. He never would have admitted it, but he had, from time to time, thought of Jim in that way even before these events brought it to the forefront of his mind.

The buzz of the comm pulled Spock out of his thoughts. Much to his dismay, someone was at the door to his quarters. He did not appreciate the interruption, but went to answer it nonetheless. 

"We need to talk," Uhura said bluntly, standing before Spock with arms crossed. 

"If there is something you wish to discuss, Lieutenant, I would much prefer--"

"No, Spock," she cut him off. "We're doing this now."

"Very well…"

Uhura pushed past him into the room, where she made herself comfortable in a chair, arms still crossed and a serious frown on her face. 

"When we broke up--" she began, her voice breaking off momentarily. 

"Nyota--"

"When we broke up, you told me it was because you were not cut out to be in a relationship. You said it was because you… you couldn't keep up with the emotional demands of it."

"Correct."

"Are you sure that was it?"

Spock looked at Uhura quizzically, because there was some value to her question, especially given recent events. What he couldn't understand was what had her thinking about it.

"Why ask this now?"

"The Admiral," Uhura explained. "He and the Ambassador, they're together in their own reality."

"What makes you think that?"

"Doesn't matter. I know it's true."

"Well," Spock answered, desperately trying to maneuver his way out of this conversation. "What is true in their universe does not dictate what's true in our own."

"But what if it does?" Uhura insisted. "What if there are some things that are constant between universes?"

Her words had a startling effect on Spock. This was a question he hadn't previously considered, and it was an intriguing one. What if there were constants? What if he and Jim were one of them? 

"I'm not mad," she continued. "I just need to know. Was that really it? Was it really that you couldn't keep up with a relationship? Or was it that you couldn't keep up with me?"

Spock took his time answering this. Not because he didn't know how to answer, but because Uhura was right, and he didn't know how to tell her. 

"I'm sorry, Nyota," was all he said when he finally spoke up.

Uhura frowned. "It's okay…"

And after a long awkward silence, she rose from her seat and made to leave. She stopped beside the door, gazed back at Spock, and before she made her departure, asked one final question. 

"Are you in love with the Captain?"

"I do not wish to discuss it."


	4. Chapter 4

The longer Captain Kirk thought about his recurring dream and its origins, the more things began to fall into place. He dug back through his memory to the first time he'd had it, many months before, and he realized something that should've been obvious. The dreams had begun immediately after his first encounter with Ambassador Spock. Marooned on an icy planet, pure chance had brought Jim to the aged Spock, and in order to explain his presence in that time, the Ambassador had used ancient Vulcan techniques. Jim could not begin to understand the mysteries of the Vulcan mind meld, but he theorized his dream was somehow a side effect of their brief mental connection. 

It was late morning and there was an hour left until his shift began, so before he could lose his nerve, Jim marched himself to the Ambassador's quarters. 

There was a strange note of embarrassment on the Ambassador's face as he opened the door, and Jim worried he had arrived at a bad time. 

"Is there a problem, Captain?" he asked matter-of-factly. 

"Problem? No. I just… had a personal matter I wanted to discuss with you."

"Ah," the Ambassador said, with no further questions. It was almost as though he had been anticipating this. "Why don't you come in?" 

Jim entered the room rather unsurely, starting to second guess having come to confront the Ambassador. He tentatively took a seat, wondering if he should offer to come back later. Or never.

"May I offer you something to drink?" Spock asked.

"No, thank you--"

Their exchange was interrupted as Admiral Kirk emerged from the bedroom, only half dressed and clearly quite surprised at the site of his younger self. He wore his uniform pants with no shirt beneath a robe he had evidently borrowed from the Ambassador.

"Darling, have you seen my-- oh!" He blushed profusely. "Captain…"

This certainly confirmed Uhura's translation skills, Jim thought to himself. He began to rise from his seat, "perhaps I'd better come back another time--"

"It's quite alright, Captain," Spock said soberly. He turned to the Admiral. "Your shirt is on the bottom shelf to the right of the bed." 

"Thanks…" the Admiral mumbled as he shuffled awkwardly back into the bedroom. 

_ Darling _ , he had called him. Jim couldn't help but laugh. As if he'd ever call Spock his darling. Sure he'd had a few steamy dreams about him, but to call him darling? Jim couldn't picture it. It reaffirmed what he had convinced himself over the last two hours: that his strange dreams were nothing more than an unfortunate side effect of his previous mind meld with the Ambassador and nothing more. 

"You wished to discuss something?" the Ambassador prompted.

"Yes, I um…" Jim wasn't sure how to begin this conversation. "Well, I've been having these dreams…" Jim was sure he sounded like an idiot saying this out loud, and yet somehow the way Ambassador Spock listened so intently put him at ease. 

"What sort of dreams?" he asked.

"The same dream. Over and over again. Exactly the same and always so clear. It's almost like…"

"A memory?" Spock finished for him. 

"Yes, exactly. And it started not long after we met. When you, you know…"

"The mind meld," Spock said, as though this made perfect sense. Jim was relieved for this assurance that he wasn't crazy. Spock moved his seat closer. "Do you mind if I…?" He raised his hands, falling just short of Jim's face.

"Go ahead."

Suddenly the dream came rushing back to Jim with more clarity than ever before. He could see every detail of the plain corridor as he, Bones, and Spock stepped out of the transporter room, feel the brush of Spock's hand against his own--or was it his hand against Spock's? He could taste the champagne as he drank to Bones's toast, and hear the sweet strains of the music playing in the background. 

_ "Let's get out of here." _

Jim pulled away as those words were whispered in his ear. He knew well what was coming next and had no desire to review it with the Ambassador. Although Jim suspected Spock too knew what was coming. Even so, a blush rose to his cheeks as Spock lowered his hands. 

"My mind must have wandered," Spock explained, not embarrassed in the slightest. "When I was trying to explain to you where I came from, I became distracted for a moment and I transferred a memory to you."

This was exactly what Jim had wanted to hear. It was a memory, a reflection of the Ambassador's past, not his own desires. That would certainly explain why he always watched the dream play out through the eyes of Spock.

"I can remove it from your mind, if you like." 

"Please."

Spock raised his hands to Jim's face and yet again images of the memory flashed through Jim's mind. This time however, it began to disappear. First went the smaller sensations, the touch of a congratulatory handshake or the taste of an ordive, then the music, which gradually faded into silence, and finally the image of the celebration in the recreation room blurred and faded until Jim was left with nothing but darkness. 

He opened his eyes.

"There may be some lingering traces," Spock said, drawing his hands away. "But for the most part, it should be gone." 

"Thank you, Ambassador."

"You are quite welcome, Captain." Spock answered. "Had you wished to discuss anything else?"

Jim had enough sense to recognize in Spock's tone that he was being asked to leave, but he did have one final question.

"Well, I do have to ask--that memory, what exactly was going on?"

"By now you have likely surmised that in our reality, Admiral Kirk and myself are romantically involved."

"Yes…"

"The memory you encountered was my recollection of the day we were married."

_ Married.  _

This shouldn't have surprised Jim, especially considering his encounter moments earlier. Yet somehow the word had a powerful effect on him. It didn't just shock him--it frightened him somehow, and he found himself suddenly as eager to leave as Spock was for him to go. 

"Well…" Jim didn't quite know what to say to that. "Thank you for your uh… assistance." 

"If I can be of further help…" Spock offered. 

"Yeah... I'll let you know." 

\--- 

Once Captain Kirk had left, his older counterpart, now fully clothed, emerged from the bedroom. He had been eavesdropping as best he could through the door. 

"Remind me," he mused. "It was you who said we ought to be discreet, wasn't it?"

"It was," Spock affirmed. "Though it was not I who came to greet the Captain half dressed in quarters not my own."

"Bastard," Jim muttered teasingly."You're the one who invited him in!"

"I saw no reason not to," was Spock's simple answer.

"Not going to interfere, are we?" Jim said, shaking his head.

"Of course not."

"And what do you call this?"

"I was assisting the Captain with a personal matter,  _ at his own request, _ " Spock explained. "I was not interfering with anything that didn't require my assistance."

"Well maybe I'll go give him some  _ assistance  _ of my own--"

"Jim--"

"--tell him to stop overthinking things and go with his gut."

"And what if his 'gut', as you call it, is telling himself different than yours did in our own reality?"

"It's not," Jim said with a characteristic certainty. He was always so sure of himself, even when it was utterly illogical. It perplexed and irritated Spock to no end, and it was one of the things he loved most about his husband. 

"How can you be sure?"

"Because I can't imagine a universe where I am not in love with you."

\---

The reason given for the Enterprise's stop at Starbase 22 along the way to New Vulcan was to resupply, and this they did do. Although it was also commonly known that Starbase 22 had a significant population of sex workers, and that in their brief time at the base, the services of these workers would be employed by quite a few crew members. 

The stop couldn't have had better timing for the Captain. Scheduled the very same day as his awkward meeting with Ambassador Spock, it offered him the perfect opportunity to clear his mind of this nonsense with the Admiral and the Ambassador and his misguided feelings. 

And yet even with a stunning young woman balanced on his lap and biting at his neck, Captain Kirk couldn't manage to unwind. 

The woman was a beautiful brunette with violet eyes extravagantly made up in this galaxy's latest fashions. Jim drew her in for a kiss and she snaked her hand down his bare chest. She let it sink beneath the waist of his boxers, the only clothing he hadn't discarded. 

"Well that's no good," she said playfully.

They'd been at it a while now and Jim had continually had this problem. 

"I know just the fix," she whispered. 

"Do you?" Jim answered in his best attempt at a seductive tone, though in his flustered state he was sure it came across more desperate than seductive.

With one hand the woman gently closed his eyelids. She nipped at his ear and whispered to him, quieter than before,"don't think about me as I am." 

She traced kisses along his jaw line as she carried on. "Imagine me as whoever you like. Someone you used to know, perhaps. And old flame--the one that got away." She was working her way down his neck now. "Or maybe someone you always wished you'd had your chance with." She drew up from his neck to plant a long deep kiss on his lips. "Maybe I'm someone you know now…" she whispered as she drew away. "A sweetheart back home." She kissed him one more time before she carried on down his chest and spoke the one sentence that finally did the trick, "or that one person on your crew you can never keep your eyes off of…"

Suddenly Jim's mind conjured up images of dark eyes contrasted against pale green skin; pointed ears emerging from sleek black hair. Desire rose in his chest and he couldn't help but do just as the woman said, imagining himself with, as she put it, that one person on his crew he couldn't keep his eyes off. As she kissed her way down his stomach and beyond, he guiltily imagined the work done by certain first officer, as though he'd slipped back into one of the dreams he'd been so eager to clear from his mind.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely comments! It's always nice to know someone besides myself is enjoying my work :)

_ One thought seized Spock’s mind when he arrived to find his captain hopelessly trapped in the decontamination chamber, and illogical as it was, he could find nothing else to say. _

_ “Open it,” he demanded, though he knew well how little help that would be.  _

_ Scotty’s words, telling him what he already knew all too well, sailed right past his ears. He knelt beside the glass, a million alarm bells going off as he felt his emotional composure slip further and further away. _

_ “How’s our ship?” Jim asked. As always, he was concerned first and foremost with his crew. _

_ “Out of danger,” Spock assured him. “You saved the crew.” _

_ “You used what he wanted against him. That’s a nice move.” The faintest hint of a smile traced Jim’s lips as he spoke those words. _

_ “It is what you would’ve done.”  _

_ “And this? This is what  _ you _ would’ve done. It was only logical.” _

_ There was a time that confession would’ve brought much satisfaction to Spock, perhaps even a snide comment, and yet right now all it did was rip through his heart with the force of a bullet. _

_ “I’m scared, Spock,” Jim breathed, his voice trembling with every word. “Help me not be. How do you choose not to feel?” _

_ “I do not know,” Spock managed, fighting the tightness in his throat. “Right now I am failing.” He could feel tears forming at the corner of his eyes, and he half-heartedly held them back. His composure finally broke when Jim gazed back at him, eyes full of pain and desperation, and said, _

_ “I want you to know why I couldn’t let you die. Why I went back for you.” Spock’s heart sank as he watched Jim’s eyelids flutter. He was fighting a fierce battle to hold onto consciousness, and Spock knew he would soon lose. _

_ “Because you are my friend,” he finished for him.  _

_ Nothing more was said--nothing could be, not in Jim’s weak state. With his last burst of strength Jim raised his hand to the glass, where Spock met him. And as they sat there, in deafening silence, all Spock could think was that it ought to be him on the other side of that glass. _

\---

If it was his first encounter with Ambassador Spock that brought Jim to consider his First Officer in a romantic sense, it was this incident that had opened the doors for Spock. In the time since, he had reviewed this conversation exactly seventeen times in his mind. Each time he cursed himself for having cut Jim off at the very end of it, and he speculated to no end what he would’ve said had not he put words in his mouth.

_ Because you are my friend,  _ he had said.

Had Jim intended to say something else? Something more? The possibility was there, and as long as it remained Spock could not let the matter rest. He never would’ve admitted it to her, and least of all to himself, but this conversation had been a key reason for Spock’s split with Uhura.

For a time, he had managed to keep his mind off this encounter and the emotions it stirred up. He convinced himself what he had told Uhura when they broke up was the complete truth, that he was not fit for the emotional demands of a relationship, and he threw himself whole-heartedly into his work as a distraction from it all. Yet ever since he had witnessed the reunion of Admiral Kirk and Ambassador Spock, after which he could easily surmise that the pair were romantically involved in their own reality, he could not help but let his mind return to that fateful day he had very nearly lost his captain.

\---   
“Captain on the bridge!” Chekov announced, as he always did when Jim entered. No one else bothered with this formality when Chekov wasn’t around, though they didn’t have the heart to tell Chekov that.

Jim didn’t say anything as he strode onto the bridge and settled himself comfortably in the Captain’s chair, but the smug look on his face was enough to invite commentary from his chief medical officer.

“Somebody’s in a good mood,” Bones muttered, coming to hover behind Jim’s chair disapprovingly, as was his habit.

Spock had noticed Jim’s elevated mood as well, though he pretended not to, and he had a guess as to the cause.

“Well, I’d say it was a successful stop at Starbase 22,” Jim said matter-of-factly, that same smug look on his face. 

Bones rolled his eyes. “Oh, is that what you’re calling it?”

Spock had stood silent throughout this exchange, remaining at his station with eyes turned to his work. And yet his work was the very last thing on his mind. He found that, much to his dismay, all he could think of was the implication that Jim had had a sexual encounter with one of the workers on the starbase. He glanced over his shoulder at the figure of Jim, who reclined lazily in the Captain’s chair, palms flat against the armrests and one foot balanced atop the opposite knee. Spock’s glance soon turned into a stare, and he found himself looking a bit too intently at where Jim’s shirt fit snugly around his chest. He imagined how not too long ago, back on the Starbase, that shirt would’ve been discarded, and Jim’s bare chest exposed-- 

“Spock? Spock!”

“Captain--” Spock gasped, startled out of his thoughts at the sound of Jim calling his name. “I beg your pardon. I was… distracted.” 

“Do you have those reports for me?”

“Reports?”

“The status reports I told you to collect while I was on base--?”

“Yes, of course.” Spock said, still not fully recovered. “If you just give me one moment…” He turned back to his station to retrieve his PADD, on which he could pull up data for Jim to review.

As he worked, Spock scolded himself bitterly for allowing such a moment of emotional weakness. It was bad enough for him to be so easily distracted on the bridge, and worse to be distracted with intimate thoughts about another officer. The longer he thought about it the more distressed he became. And still he could not suppress the desire that rose in his stomach as Jim came and peered over his shoulder to get a look at the reports he was preparing for him. Was it just his imagination, or was Jim leaning absurdly close to his face?

Spock cleared his throat very loudly before announcing that the status reports were finished and ready for Jim’s review. He passed the PADD over to him, practically shoving it into his arms, and moved away. 

“If you will excuse me Captain,” he then said. “I would like to request to end my shift early.” His shift was not scheduled to end for another twenty-three minutes, and typically Spock would have remained. Today, given his strange emotional state and the lack of activity on the bridge, he felt it best he retired to his quarters early. “I am… unwell,” he finished.

“Uh… sure,” Jim answered, concerned and perplexed by Spock’s claims. “That’s fine.”

“Thank you, Captain.”

Relief washed over Spock as he made his way to the turbolift, only to be replaced by a new dread when at the last minute, Jim came after him, stepping in just before the doors slid closed.

“Are you alright?” he said as they began to move. “I mean, not to be rude but… what was that?”

Spock avoided his eyes. “I apologize for my distractedness, Captain, I will not allow it to happen again--”

“No, Spock,” Jim sighed, a half-smile on his lips. How he managed to look so attractive even in the ship’s fluorescent lighting was an intriguing mystery to Spock. “I’m not asking as your Captain. I’m asking as your friend.”

Spock was very suddenly aware of Jim’s hand on his forearm. Had it been there this whole time? And was it just his imagination, or was Jim’s hand slowly sliding down his wrist? The brush of Jim’s fingers curling around to touch the palm of his hand confirmed his suspicions, and it took the breath from his lungs. It was all Spock could do not to fall to pieces, and he thought for a moment he may lose his control and kiss the man before him right there in the turbo lift. But this was his Captain! Such an act would be entirely inappropriate, particularly while Jim was still on duty. And yet it was  _ Jim _ who had taken  _ his _ hand....

“Spock…?” 

“Captain…” Spock murmured. Then, his sense returning, he pulled his hand away and cleared his throat. “I kindly request that you refrain from physical contact.”

“Oh… I--”

And before he could say anything else, Spock made his dramatic exit from the turbo lift.

Jim stood in silence a moment, reviewing what had just happened in his mind. Once it all processed, and once he was sure Spock was at a considerable distance, he had but one thing to say.

“Fuck.... I am an idiot.”

When he returned to the bridge moments later, Bones was waiting for him with his usual commentary.

“I don’t think I’ve seen a mood change that quick since the day you got yourself demoted and re-promoted in the same day,” he said as he watched Jim return to his seat on the bridge.

“Shouldn’t you be in med-bay?” Jim grumbled.

\---

The rec room was empty when Spock came to retrieve an evening meal that night, with the exception of Lieutenant Uhura, who seemed almost to be waiting for him.

“Man, you’ve got it bad,” she teased as Spock served himself.

“I do not believe I catch your meaning, Lieutenant,” Spock said, reluctantly taking a seat few chairs down from her.

“Your crush on the Captain,” she explained. Although he did not want to discuss the matter with her, Spock was relieved to find that Uhura appeared to be carrying little resentment from their break up.

“I do not--”

“Don’t play games with me Spock,” she said. “I know you. You may have everyone else buying this emotionless act you have going, but I know the real you.”

“I would rather not discuss this matter, Lieutenant.” Spock insisted, taking a bite of his salad and avoiding Uhura’s gaze.

“I could see you undressing him with your eyes on the bridge today.”

“I did no such thing!”

Uhura cut him off with her laughter. “Oh and Vulcans do not lie, do they?” she laughed. “I’m not buying it…”

Spock carried on eating, hoping he could end the conversation with his silence. Sensing his discomfort, Uhura took pity from him. She kept quiet as she got up to clear the dishes she had dirtied, although before she left, she did stop to lean on the table beside Spock’s chair.

“Listen,” she said genuinely. “I just wanted you to know that I’m not upset about any of this. I’ve come to terms with it.”

“Thank you, Nyota.”

“I don’t know what you see in him, but who am I to judge.” She leaned over and kissed him gently on the side of his head. Uncomfortable as it made him, the gesture wasn’t lost on Spock. “I do know that he’d be lucky to score a guy like you.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to this coronavirus quarantine I finally had time to dig up this fic and write an ending. Enjoy!

A heavy wave of relief hit Jim when his shift finally ended. He’d been rather tempted to call out early in the same way Spock had, but decided to tough it out. As he took the turbolift down towards his quarters he shuddered at the memory of his embarrassing encounter earlier that day.

Jim’s intention, as he stepped off the turbolift and started off down the corridor, was to report as quickly as possible to his quarters. There was a bottle of brandy that had been calling him all afternoon.

“You look like a man who needs a drink,” commented Admiral Kirk as he passed by. It was as though he’d been reading Jim’s mind.

“How’d you know?” Jim asked, managing a tired smile. A certain sense of respect for his older self compelled him to stop and chat a moment.

“I know that face,” the Admiral chuckled. “And I’ve been in your shoes before, quite literally.” 

“Yeah… I guess you have. Just another long day.” 

“A bit more than that I think,” the Admiral insisted. 

He was right, and Jim didn’t know what to make of it. He was exhausted, his mind still set on that glass of brandy and a moment alone in his quarters, but he was also curious what the Admiral, this older version of himself, might have to say about his present situation.

“Tell you what,” the Admiral said. “Come by my quarters in a half hour. I’ll pour you a drink and we can talk if you like.”

Jim contemplated this a moment, trying to figure out what the Admiral was about. He seemed genuine in his offer, but also rather eager, as though he was personally invested in the outcome of Jim’s situation.

“You know,” he said finally. “I think I’ll take you up on that offer.”

“I’ll see you then.”

\---

“Mr. Spock,” the Ambassador greeted as the door to his quarters slid open that evening to reveal the young Vulcan officer standing before him.

“Ambassador…” Spock replied, embarrassed by his emotional state and having second thoughts about coming there. Gazing past the Ambassador he could see the Admiral seated inside. Given what he’d learned about the nature of the relationship between the two, he wasn’t surprised to find them together that evening, although it made him wish he hadn’t come. 

“Would you like to come in?” the Ambassador asked.

“I… um…”

“No need to worry, Mr. Spock,” said the Admiral, sensing his discomfort. “I was just heading out.” He rose from his seat as Spock entered the room.

As he made his way to the door, the Admiral paused a moment to rest his hand on the Ambassador’s arm in a silent gesture of goodbye. Spock observed them with immense curiosity. It was a simple gesture, a light touch as the pair prepared to part ways for a brief time, and yet it fascinated him. The way they gazed into each other’s eyes--it was as though they were sharing a silent conversation. Were they communicating telepathically, Spock wondered? He didn’t think so. He suspected it was something simpler than that. Simpler and infinitely more complex. As if they knew intuitively, through the subtlest of body language and facial expressions, what the other was thinking.

“Good evening, Mr. Spock,” the Admiral said, and he departed.

The Ambassador came over to Spock, who had taken a seat at the table, and seated himself across from him.

“Now, what can I do for you Commander?”

“I have… questions.”

“You know I have sworn not to tell you anything the may alter the course of your future,” the Ambassador reminded him.

“I am aware, and I will leave it to your discretion whether to answer and how much to tell me.”

“Very well. What are your questions?”

“We come from alternate universes, and therefore, though we appear to be the same person, our experiences are not identical.”

“Correct.”

“However, it is also reasonable to assume that there are certain constants between universes.”

“That would make sense.”

“My question is, do you think your relationship with Admiral Kirk is one such constant?”

The Ambassador gazed thoughtfully across the table, taking a moment to consider Spock’s question. Until quite recently he would have had trouble answering, but he knew now exactly what to say.

“Soul mates,” he said simply. 

Spock looked at him quizzically.

“That’s what you speak of,” the Ambassador went on. “Or, that is what my husband would say. I must confess, I have my reservations about it, but it is Admiral Kirk’s theory that such constants do exist, and he calls them soul mates--two people who invariably end up together, in any and every universe.”

“What do you think?” Spock asked.

“I think we are in an excellent position to test the theory. How it turns out depends on you. And your captain. You’ve come to me looking for answers, but the answers are within yourself. You must ask yourself how you feel. What you want.”

“But it is not logical--”

“You’ve got much to learn, my friend, and I will not endeavor to teach you myself. You must experience this life for yourself. But I will tell you one thing. Love is never logical.”

\---

The Admiral had a glass of brandy ready for Jim when he arrived at his quarters. Jim wondered for a moment how he’d known it was exactly what he was craving and quickly realized this was his favorite drink. Evidently it was the Admiral’s as well. He took the glass eagerly and sat down across the table from his older self.

“I would ask what’s on your mind, but I have the feeling I already know,” the Admiral said.

“Do you?”

The Admiral gave him a sly smile and said simply, “A certain first officer…”

Jim averted his eyes and took a long sip of his drink. Was he blushing? He was trying desperately not to and failing miserably.

“I try not to think about it,” Jim said dismissively.

“I’ve been down that road before,” the Admiral reminded him. “I know how it goes--you try to ignore those feelings, shove them deep inside yourself and convince yourself they don’t exist. But it gets to you.”

“Well I don’t see what other choice I have. Clearly it’s not mutual.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yes,” he said firmly, but the moment the words left his mouth his confidence wavered. “No…”

The Admiral said nothing, only gave him a knowing look.

“He makes it so difficult,” Jim went on. “It’s like flirting with a computer!”

“That’s one way to put it,” the Admiral chuckled.

“No, scratch that. I’ve met computers that were more responsive,” Jim added with a sigh.

“Give him time, he’ll come around. He’s struggling with this as much if not more than you are.”

“I find it hard to believe there’s anything so emotional going on in that logical Vulcan mind.”

The Admiral leaned back in his chair and finished off his glass of brandy. He set the glass carefully down on the table, and he looked Jim in the eyes. 

“In the first year of our first mission together,” he began, “we were sent to pick up a scientific team on a dying planet known as Beta 2. I’m sure I shouldn’t be telling you any of this, but I digress. You see, when we arrived, we found the research team dead under strange circumstances. Shortly thereafter our crew contracted a strange disease. It had the same effect on the body as alcohol--affecting centers of judgement in self control. Essentially, it made the whole crew drunk.” A fond smile crossed the Admiral’s lips as he remembered the adventures of his youth. “Sulu roamed the halls shirtless and wielding a sword, a young Lieutenant took control of the comms and serenaded the whole ship with Irish folk songs. It was madness. Spock held on longer than most, but eventually he succumbed to the effects as well. Now what sort of drunk do you suppose he was?”

“Spock, drunk? I can’t picture it. But I’d assume he’d approach the situation as he always does, with logic.”

The Admiral shook his head. “Our ship was falling apart, near to collision with this dying planet and we needed all hands on deck. In the midst of that chaos, I found him crying in the briefing room.”

“Crying?”

“All he could talk about was emotion--how much shame it brought him when he experienced emotions, and how guilty he felt that he couldn’t express them better. It was the first time I ever saw him cry. It wasn’t the last.”

Jim considered this, looking for the first time past his own emotions and considering how this whole situation may have affected Spock. He was, after all, half human, and Jim supposed there came with that a certain susceptibility to emotion not present in other Vulcans. Combine that with a childhood spent entrenched in a culture where emotion is bad taste, and you have a perfect recipe for internal conflict. It never occurred to him that perhaps Spock did share his feelings, and refrained from expressing them only because he was ashamed and conflicted.

“All this is to say, you’ve got a lot to learn,” the Admiral concluded. “About yourself, and your Vulcan friend. In some ways I envy you. You’ve got so much ahead. It won’t be easy, but it’s one hell of a journey. And I will tell you this, in the course of that journey, you will find few souls quite so human as our dear friend Spock.”

A sense of guilt set in as Jim realized how selfishly focused on himself he had been throughout this ordeal. He didn’t know what to say. Fortunately, the Admiral did.

“Can I get you a refill?” he asked, eyeing Jim’s empty glass.

“Please.”

When the Admiral returned with his glass, Jim took a cautious sip and at last spoke up, saying the only thing he could think to.

“Thank you.”

The Admiral raised his glass in a toast and Jim met him halfway. They toasted, and drank in silence.

As he set his drink down the Admiral said genuinely, “Don’t mention it,” and after a moment to let his sincerity set in, he added with an air of humor, “Especially to my husband--he’ll have a fit if he finds out how much I’ve told you about your future.”

“I won’t say anything if you don’t…” Jim teased.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just kidding here's one more chapter. Now this is really the end. I just decided we needed a cute scene between young Jim and Spock to finish it off.

“I’m on my way back to Ambassador Spock’s quarters,” the Admiral said to Jim. They’d finished four glasses of brandy between the two of them and their night was winding down. “It’s on your way if I’m not mistaken. Why don’t you walk with me?”

“Alright,” Jim agreed.

They walked mostly in silence, and Jim didn’t think much of the Admiral’s suggestion that they go together. That is, until they arrived at the Ambassador’s quarters just in time to encounter Spock departing. They saw Spock before he saw them, and Jim turned immediately to the Admiral, who greeted him with a satisfied smirk.

“Captain…” Spock said, just as surprised and flustered as Jim.

“Spock…” Jim answered, at a loss of words. “I uh… I’m off duty, you don’t need to…”

“Right… Jim… Oh, Admiral, good evening.” Spock was only just noticing the Admiral’s presence.

“Good evening Mr. Spock.”

Spock’s attention had already returned to his captain.

“Jim… can we…?

“Talk?” Jim finished for him.

“Yes…”

The Admiral cleared his throat. “Well, I suppose I will excuse myself. Good evening, gentlemen.”

Between the two of them Jim and Spock managed a half hearted farewell, each distracted by the presence of the other. When the Admiral was gone, Jim took the opportunity to speak up.

“Spock, I’m really sorry about today, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable...”

“I wanted to ask you about that,” Spock said matter-of-factly. His face was unreadable, and Jim was unsure exactly what to expect from the conversation.

“Yes?” he asked cautiously.

“Was it your intention to make a sexual advance on me?”

Jim was struck speechless by Spock’s blunt question. “I… uh… Jeez, Spock, I don’t know what to say…”

“Yes or no would suffice,” Spock informed him.

“Well… yes…” Jim said finally. "And again I'm sorry if that--"

Jim’s words were cut off as Spock took his face in his hands and kissed him. 

Of all the directions Jim had imagined this conversation going, this was not one. And yet he instinctively wrapped his arms around Spock’s waist as the kiss went on, as though he’d been expecting it. Perhaps part of him had.

After a long moment, Spock drew back, gazing uncertainly into Jim’s eyes.

“Damn,” Jim laughed. Spock was a much better kisser than he’d expected.

Suddenly nervous, Spock began to pull away.

“Was that--?”

Jim tightened his grip on his waist. “No, Spock, I wasn’t--” he said. “This is good.”

Spock nodded. His confidence returning, he began to run his hand down Jim’s arm, guiding his hand up.

“I don’t think you realized,” he said, “When you touched my hand today…” He raised two fingers, indicating Jim do the same. “The Vulcan kiss,” he explained, pressing their fingers together.

“Vulcan’s kiss with their hands?” Jim asked.

Spock nodded, gently stroking Jim’s two fingers with his own.

“Oh jeez, I didn’t mean to-- I wasn’t--” Jim stuttered.

“I know,” Spock assured him. Was he laughing? Jim had the feeling he would deny it if asked, but the smile on his lips certainly said otherwise.

At that moment the chatter of two crewmen down the hall caught their ears. Spock pulled away, nodding a greeting at the crewmen as they passed by as though nothing were out of the ordinary. Jim kept his back turned, worried his face would give the crew something to gossip about.

“Do you want to go somewhere… private?” Jim asked.

“That seems appropriate.”

“My quarters are just down the hall.”

“I’ll follow you.”

Spock followed Jim down the hall as casually as if they were on their way to discuss matters of business, stepping into the room after him with hands tucked thoughtfully behind his back and a blank look on his face. When the door slid closed, that act fell away, and Spock moved immediately to pull Jim in for another kiss. 

His hands soon journeyed down from Jim’s face and over his shoulders to explore all the curves and angles of his body. Jim clinged to him as though his life depended on it, arms wrapped firmly around his back and kissing him breathlessly. Only when Spock’s hands began to travel up under his uniform shirt did he release him.

Jim’s shirt went first, followed by Spock’s. They stumbled clumsily back to the bedroom, stealing kisses as they went, and fell back onto the bed. Then ensued a playful fight to be on top, with Spock coming out victorious.

Spock paused, gazing down at Jim thoughtfully.

“Everything alright?” Jim asked.

Spock nodded.

“Something on your mind?”

“Soul mates,” Spock murmured, so soft Jim could hardly tell what he was saying. He sat up, pulling Spock onto his lap, and looked up at him.

“What was that?”

“A theory the Admiral proposed,” Spock explained.

“A theory,” Jim laughed. “Of course.”

“The theory goes that between parallel universes some constants exist.”

“Makes sense.”

“And sometimes, that constant can be two people that are invariably drawn to each other, in every universe. Soul mates.”

“Soul mates,” Jim repeated thoughtfully. He ran a hand through Spock’s hair, noting how perfectly he fit atop his lap. “And what do you make of this theory, Mr. Spock?”

“It is not logical,” was his answer.

Jim laughed, and Spock smiled down at him as he pulled him in for another kiss.

\---

The Admiral’s face was set in a satisfied smile as he stepped into Ambassador Spock’s quarters and took off his shoes and jacket that evening.

“Satisfied with yourself?” Spock observed from his place at the bedroom door.

“I suppose,” Jim smirked.

“You should not have interfered...” Spock said half-heartedly.

“I try not to think of it as interfering, I think of it as assisting the course of fate.”

Spock shook his head, and stifled a yawn. “Come to bed?”

“Yes, dear.”


End file.
